grace.

…when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good.

-Isaiah 7:16-

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings...
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

-U2, “Grace”-

Being a mom is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.  From the first blinking heartbeat, I was hooked.  Line. and Sinker.  The way they snuggled together all swaddled in between pillows.  The secret language that only they understand.  The way they smell.  The way they look all wrapped up in a hooded towel.  The way Campbell says “powell” for pile.  The deep voice Grahambo has when he’s excited about something. The way they crawl in my lap after a nap like it is the only place on earth for them.  When we dance together.  When they sing the Beatles in the car.  The way they dance.  The special laugh they have that is reserved for each other.  Their tiny hands that hold my face and tell me I’m beautiful.  Their drawings, full of color and detail and adventure.  The way they love—with hope and laughter and reckless abandon.  They are mine for a little while.  I never want to let them go.

I love them just how they are.  Messy, loud, wild.  I love them in their good choices and their bad.  I love them when they trust my love and when they choose to live outside of it.  That is the easy part. 

The difficult is teaching them.  Teaching them how deep and wide and long my love for them is.  Teaching them, that they might learn how much deeper and wider and longer is the love of Jesus.  Teaching them that they have dark and rebellious hearts.  Just like me.  Teaching them that my heart has been rescued, but is still being refined.  Teaching them that the chasm that might seem to exist between the yucky of my heart and the good of the Creator isn’t empty.  And neither is the grave. Teaching them to see and choose what is good.  Warning them against evil.

The grace that it takes to be a parent is more than I ever bargained for.  Grace for your children.  Grace for your spouse.  Grace for yourself.  Grace that you claimed at your rescue, but that you forget on an hourly basis.

Grace that will draw them to the good.  Grace that will help them choose it.  Grace that will be the only way to avoid evil.  And grace that will make all of their ugly beautiful.  Just like it does in their momma.