attention.

“We should be astonished at the goodness of God, stunned that He should bother to call us by name, our mouths wide open at His love, bewildered that at this very moment we are standing on holy ground.”

-Brennan Manning-

Sometimes it is just that they want me.  Sometimes they crawl under my covers in the middle of the night because it is the safest place in their world.  There is a spot under my arm and snuggled into my ribcage that fits only them.  Sometimes there are tears or raised voices or demands, not because they are hateful. But because they just want me. My attention. My affection.

And I am reminded of my deepest desire:  to be fully known and still loved.  And sometimes I just want Him.  His attention. His affection.  And I forget that I have it.  And I forget the price that was paid for it.  And I get swept up and wrapped in my own junk and my own importance.

But, at great price, His attention is mine.  And His affection is mine.  And my name and my heart and my life and my junk and my good and my ridiculous is known. 

And that makes the ground and the covers and the spot under my arm near my ribcage more holy than I ever imagined.